"That's just Satan...but he can go to Hell" - Elder Foote
"Everybody used to tell me that big boys don't cry, but I've figured out enough to know that that was the lie, that held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons. We are children no more, we have sinned and grown old, but our Father still waits and he watches down below to see his crying boys come running back to his arms. And were growing young..."
Addiction, Satan's tool to take away our agency. These past 6 months I have seen just how pathetic we make ourselves when we give him control. Mainly since almost everyone on this island has an addiction. Mostly alcohol and its because there's not much to shoot for here. Sadly, over the past few weeks I've seen it completely take control of some of those that I love very dearly. I cannot begin to describe the shuddering story of a good friend of ours that reached his all time low on a pitch black night, no moon, and a blueish glow on a small flashlight reflecting against the window. There was blasting country music, blood covering the ENTIRE inside of his house, and him lost in the abyss of alcoholism in a heap on the ground screaming that no one loves him and laughing hysterically ( Elder Sturm describes the story)
"Ok, I'll tell it. I still lose sleep over it, but oh well. I'll just keep it short and quick. He had been drinking for a long time. He is a recent convert (oh yeah, by the way Abraham and Elcina are both members too). He has been having a lot of problems. One night we got there (around 8:30) nearing what became the end of a 3-week-drunken experience. Both Elder Madsen and myself had several very strong feelings to not go, but being dumb and prideful we ignored them.
Again, very long story short, the mansion house of Doctor Ken was pitch black, lit by the moonlight reflecting off the ocean and the blue-ish flashlight of our cell phone. Very loud country music was playing drunken, broken up love songs. Due to an accident that had yet to be cleaned up (and made much worse due to several subsequent blunders) the house was covered in blood. I don't know how he bled that much, but the 7 inch gash on his head is pretty nice. We finally find him in his room, curled up on his now-more-red-than-blue sheets ranting. (If you haven't noticed, this house would have just won the "Best Haunted House of the Year!" award if it weren't for the "no use of real demons" clause in section 3.55a.... sorry, maybe not a funny joke.)
Anyway, here we are, standing in this room, drunk crying/ranting/and laughing (totally adds to the effect), country music, and an actual odor of blood (which followed us around that whole night). Suddenly I felt very lightheaded and... I don't really know. Just not feeling good. I guess snapped out of it when I realized Elder Madsen had fallen over. Luckily an office wheel chair was there to break his fall. Elder Madsen had completely passed out, and would probably have a similar injury to Ken's if the chair didn't break his fall (the chair fell over, but he landed confortably on the back side of it which slid down the wall quite slowly).
Several seemingly hour long seconds passed by until my companion woke up, VERY confused. I started praying, though Elder Madsen had not quite figured out where he was (he thought I had just been waking him up in bed and was wondering why I had country music playing. I think he figured it out sometime during the prayer). As Elder Madsen was on the floor and getting up and as we prayed Dr. Ken kept saying "Did he just fall?" and "He fell!" and other such remarks as he laughed. The laughing was not really helpful.
So then we left. I think I said a hundred prayers before I went in, several hundred prayers while I was in the house, and thousands more later that night. But, I always felt safe :) " (Elder Sturm)
Again, very long story short, the mansion house of Doctor Ken was pitch black, lit by the moonlight reflecting off the ocean and the blue-ish flashlight of our cell phone. Very loud country music was playing drunken, broken up love songs. Due to an accident that had yet to be cleaned up (and made much worse due to several subsequent blunders) the house was covered in blood. I don't know how he bled that much, but the 7 inch gash on his head is pretty nice. We finally find him in his room, curled up on his now-more-red-than-blue sheets ranting. (If you haven't noticed, this house would have just won the "Best Haunted House of the Year!" award if it weren't for the "no use of real demons" clause in section 3.55a.... sorry, maybe not a funny joke.)
Anyway, here we are, standing in this room, drunk crying/ranting/and laughing (totally adds to the effect), country music, and an actual odor of blood (which followed us around that whole night). Suddenly I felt very lightheaded and... I don't really know. Just not feeling good. I guess snapped out of it when I realized Elder Madsen had fallen over. Luckily an office wheel chair was there to break his fall. Elder Madsen had completely passed out, and would probably have a similar injury to Ken's if the chair didn't break his fall (the chair fell over, but he landed confortably on the back side of it which slid down the wall quite slowly).
Several seemingly hour long seconds passed by until my companion woke up, VERY confused. I started praying, though Elder Madsen had not quite figured out where he was (he thought I had just been waking him up in bed and was wondering why I had country music playing. I think he figured it out sometime during the prayer). As Elder Madsen was on the floor and getting up and as we prayed Dr. Ken kept saying "Did he just fall?" and "He fell!" and other such remarks as he laughed. The laughing was not really helpful.
So then we left. I think I said a hundred prayers before I went in, several hundred prayers while I was in the house, and thousands more later that night. But, I always felt safe :) " (Elder Sturm)
Fortunately this same man has risen out of his hellish endeavor after an experience much like the combination of Alma the younger and Enos. He's doing really well and that song at the beginning of my post was for him. Two days ago we witnessed another account in which a drunk ex- pro- kickboxer threatened to end Elder Sturm's life. (see his email after mine. He says some really good things especially his testimony.) On of the nicest people we know and one of our greatest friends destroyed by his own choice to relinquish his agency. Its an ongoing battle that has left us many times in tearful prayers for these people that they might find the strength inside themselves and pull through. I'm literally standing in the devils play ground and he's not too fond of us. I wish to bear witness to the destruction, the hopelessness, the terror, pathetic yet tantalizing despair of forsaking ones agency. It all falls on us, we choose who to give ourselves to and the results are exponential in both directions. Addictions: pornography, alcohol, drugs, etc. are a filth and a plague that only injure you and have the very power bring you within the hellish hands of the devil himself. There is no escape, there is no hope, and there is no " doing it only a little". The Prince of Darkness and his fallen brethren will own you, control you, and bring you down. They hate you, wish to bind you in chains and make you suffer eternal torment, and they are the puppeteers that have a copyright on addictions and your despair is all they seek. I bear witness to how true this is because I see it often with my own eyes, and I wish that those who read this will please not tempt it. I have seen those I love beaten, battered, and torn. There is a saying: The Savior never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it. I would like to point out that the Savior never actually said that at all. There is no record of it. But what he did say "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matt. 11:29-30)
His yoke is easy, his burden is light. Choose him and you shall find rest, peace, and joy. It all starts with choice, its not hard to choose either one but beware of whose yoke you are taking upon you. For I testify without a doubt that the long journey back under the yoke of the Adversary is a daunting one, and one of much trail and suffering to bear. In the name of our loving brother, our friend and Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.
J. Golden Kimble wasn't too far off when he said "Baptize the Hell outta' 'em" was he?
(The following is Elder Sturms email to family)
Elder Sturm:
Well, it's been an exciting week! I can now say that I have sat at the foot of a man with a fifty-something-win/two-loss record/kick boxing champion of Hawaii as he threatened to kill me. And since missions are all about coming out and getting cool stories, I'm excited! Ha. I'm just kidding. Anyway, I'll get to that story. Friday during weekly planning we wrote down a goal of "one baptized, one confirmed" for the following week! It's the first time we have been this close to a baptism since the last batism 4 months ago! I am SO excited! But then something happened. I wrote it all down in my President's letter, so I just copied and pasted it to here. Hopefully it all makes sense being written straight to you as well, but who knows. I spent a lot of time on his letter so I can't really spend time rereading it or rewriting it. We only have so long on the computers :)
President Dowdle,
It's a good thing the Church is true. I would probably be a very sad person at all times if it wasn't.
You'll notice our goal for baptisms this week is one! Julie is doing amazingly. She has been reading, praying, coming to church, and has been very excited for her baptismal date on the 16th. She is now living with Abraham and Elcina Abraham next to the Nautilus. She apparently does not get along with her mom and her step dad (her dad recently died, we're not sure how long ago). We encouraged her many times to call her mom, although she is 21 and (not that I know the actual law here) old enough to choose for herself.
Yesterday we got to their house for an appointment and she was the only one in the house. She seemed really sad about something, but she would only respond with the usual "I'm fine" or "I'm well." We asked her where Abraham was and she pointed across the street. Abraham called us over. Not to a huge surprise we found him with several (10? 15?) beer cans, all empty. He started talking to us about family problems from Julie's family, and how he didn't want to have to deal with them anymore. Julie finally came over and I asked her if she had called her mom. She said yes, and they were not happy. Apparently Abraham has been getting a lot of opposition from her family saying he was the one forcing her to be baptized.
Obviously with him drunk no good came of the conversation, but we just kept talking, him ranting about how he knew the church was true, but wondering why we even come over anymore, complaining about how messed up he is. Then he told us that the choice was Julie's. We (I'm with Elders Lapeyrouse/Andrew right now) turned to Julie and talked to her about her choice she had to make. I told her we didn't want to tear apart her family but that her and I both know what she needs and wants to do. No one can force her. She didn't say anything really, just sat thinking.
Abraham then went on for a long rant about whatever came to his drunk mind. Something he kept saying about how messed up he was made me really want to address that. I hunched down in front of him and basically bore my testimony to him(looking back I have no idea why, it was probably quite difficult for the Spirit to make it past whatever wall he had built; I guess it just seemed right at the time). I told him he can change, he can overcome this, but he has to trust God. Have faith, pray, then do your part. Actually try to stop. He started crying, then just got angry. At this point the fact that he is an ex-professional kickboxer came back to my mind, and my current position was a little disadvantageous. (Is that a word?) Abraham said (in English in a voice which I later found out was almost inaudible to anyone besides me, two feet in front of his face) "do you want to see how bad I can get? Do you realize how close you are to me ending your life? Do you realize how easy that would be?" I felt the Spirit, so I knew I was safe (or at least I wasn't afraid, whatever it meant). But I stood up very slowly, asked him what he wanted us to do, and he said leave and don't come back. I tuned down the language a bit.
So we left. We walked back over to his house on the other side where our car was parked, leaving behind what we were hoping (and are still hoping?) will be our first baptism for the year. We got to the car and I started crying. I don't think I have ever cried like that for that long. I hate sin, I hate Satan. I love those people! I asked Elder Lapeyrouse to pray before we left. As he prayed we heard somebody coming, it was Julie. We closed the prayer and waited. She told us "I'm going to keep reading the Book of Mormon and praying. This choice is mine and if I want to be baptized I will. I'll let you know." We told her to kampare and headed out.
Anyway, that is my experience for the week. President Jonathan said he wanted to head down there and "soften his heart" before we went back again, so we didn't go back yesterday. We'll probably stop by tonight anyway. Abraham is the nicest guy I know when he is sober. I just hope some of the "I guess the church really can't help me" thoughts haven't carried over.
So yeah, all is well. No worries here, just a very sad Elder Sturm. Every song in Sacrament meeting the next day was about how happy the gospel makes you and the Sacrament song talking about these covenants and taking the Atonement upon ourselves and being made clean. Needless to say they have never had more meaning to me.
But like I said, all is well. Satan is really putting forth his best effort right now, but I know he won't win. He hates me, but I would have it no other way. He is powerless compared to my Savior and my King. The nation of Israel will win, our forces will triumph. Patience, Elder Sturm, patience.
Thanks for everything President, sorry you had such a long letter to read. Have a good week! Until then, Kampare!
Elder Sturm
President Dowdle,
It's a good thing the Church is true. I would probably be a very sad person at all times if it wasn't.
You'll notice our goal for baptisms this week is one! Julie is doing amazingly. She has been reading, praying, coming to church, and has been very excited for her baptismal date on the 16th. She is now living with Abraham and Elcina Abraham next to the Nautilus. She apparently does not get along with her mom and her step dad (her dad recently died, we're not sure how long ago). We encouraged her many times to call her mom, although she is 21 and (not that I know the actual law here) old enough to choose for herself.
Yesterday we got to their house for an appointment and she was the only one in the house. She seemed really sad about something, but she would only respond with the usual "I'm fine" or "I'm well." We asked her where Abraham was and she pointed across the street. Abraham called us over. Not to a huge surprise we found him with several (10? 15?) beer cans, all empty. He started talking to us about family problems from Julie's family, and how he didn't want to have to deal with them anymore. Julie finally came over and I asked her if she had called her mom. She said yes, and they were not happy. Apparently Abraham has been getting a lot of opposition from her family saying he was the one forcing her to be baptized.
Obviously with him drunk no good came of the conversation, but we just kept talking, him ranting about how he knew the church was true, but wondering why we even come over anymore, complaining about how messed up he is. Then he told us that the choice was Julie's. We (I'm with Elders Lapeyrouse/Andrew right now) turned to Julie and talked to her about her choice she had to make. I told her we didn't want to tear apart her family but that her and I both know what she needs and wants to do. No one can force her. She didn't say anything really, just sat thinking.
Abraham then went on for a long rant about whatever came to his drunk mind. Something he kept saying about how messed up he was made me really want to address that. I hunched down in front of him and basically bore my testimony to him(looking back I have no idea why, it was probably quite difficult for the Spirit to make it past whatever wall he had built; I guess it just seemed right at the time). I told him he can change, he can overcome this, but he has to trust God. Have faith, pray, then do your part. Actually try to stop. He started crying, then just got angry. At this point the fact that he is an ex-professional kickboxer came back to my mind, and my current position was a little disadvantageous. (Is that a word?) Abraham said (in English in a voice which I later found out was almost inaudible to anyone besides me, two feet in front of his face) "do you want to see how bad I can get? Do you realize how close you are to me ending your life? Do you realize how easy that would be?" I felt the Spirit, so I knew I was safe (or at least I wasn't afraid, whatever it meant). But I stood up very slowly, asked him what he wanted us to do, and he said leave and don't come back. I tuned down the language a bit.
So we left. We walked back over to his house on the other side where our car was parked, leaving behind what we were hoping (and are still hoping?) will be our first baptism for the year. We got to the car and I started crying. I don't think I have ever cried like that for that long. I hate sin, I hate Satan. I love those people! I asked Elder Lapeyrouse to pray before we left. As he prayed we heard somebody coming, it was Julie. We closed the prayer and waited. She told us "I'm going to keep reading the Book of Mormon and praying. This choice is mine and if I want to be baptized I will. I'll let you know." We told her to kampare and headed out.
Anyway, that is my experience for the week. President Jonathan said he wanted to head down there and "soften his heart" before we went back again, so we didn't go back yesterday. We'll probably stop by tonight anyway. Abraham is the nicest guy I know when he is sober. I just hope some of the "I guess the church really can't help me" thoughts haven't carried over.
So yeah, all is well. No worries here, just a very sad Elder Sturm. Every song in Sacrament meeting the next day was about how happy the gospel makes you and the Sacrament song talking about these covenants and taking the Atonement upon ourselves and being made clean. Needless to say they have never had more meaning to me.
But like I said, all is well. Satan is really putting forth his best effort right now, but I know he won't win. He hates me, but I would have it no other way. He is powerless compared to my Savior and my King. The nation of Israel will win, our forces will triumph. Patience, Elder Sturm, patience.
Thanks for everything President, sorry you had such a long letter to read. Have a good week! Until then, Kampare!
Elder Sturm
So anyway I am quite a large deal over my time limit, but I thought those two stories should get home. No worries, I'm not in any physical or spiritual danger from either of these people (in fact, I was having a great spiritual experience last time I was in Ken's house, he is doing well).
I guess I should just add my encouragement to obey the Word of Wisdom. Abraham is the nicest guy I know on Kosrae until he is drunk. He is aparrently slightly different after a few drinks.
I'll leave with bearing my very strong testimony that God lives, that Jesus Christ is our Savior and our King (who will soon come and literally reign as a King over the restored nation of Israel), that the Holy Ghost is promised by an eternal, perfected, and glorified Father to each and every one of His children who want that guidance, and that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only and true church of the Lord Jesus Christ, the very same that was established by His hand in the days that He walked this Earth. We have been promised an eternal and ever-lasting gift of happiness not only in the presence of our Father who loves us, but to become as Him and live as He lives now. I know that these things are true, and I know Satan hates them all. He hates me, he hates you, and he wants you to be miserable even as he is (2 Nephi 2:27). He will not win The War. The only person who can decide who wins the battles is you. Please use your agency wisely. It is everything. I promise you that it is not worth it to choose incorrectly. We all make mistakes, but if you truly desire to come unto the Father it is always possible.
Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and His Atonement.
Repentance.
Baptism.
Receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost.
Enduring to the End.
Do that and we are saved. Eternal happiness is waiting for each and every one of us. Do we want it?
Please choose wisely what you do with your "probationary state." It means everything, and can cost everything.
I know these things are true, independent of any other person. I share them to you in the name of my Beloved Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.
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